It Starts With You: What You Seek is Already Within

A few years ago I became a version of myself I no longer recognised.

I found myself in a cycle of constantly seeking validation from external sources, whether it was a partner, a job, a habit, my appearance, friends or family. I felt like my worth was tied up in how I was perceived by the world.

It was a strange place to be.

I'd always known myself as someone who was self-assured - I'd always been confident in my work, I knew that I could love deeply as a partner, friend or relative and, I'd never questioned my own worth before. I had never believed myself to be unattractive, unfunny or unworthy.

Until, suddenly, I did.

I'm not even sure when it started. Like most things, it happened slowly - small shifts adding up over time, until one day, I woke up and realised I had slipped away from myself.

It took getting fully sober (after a lot of experimenting - more to come on this later & drinking copious amounts of alcohol to try and drown out what I know now was a lack of self-love). It took quitting a job that sounded good and looked good on paper that drained me. It took walking away from a relationship that was toxic and one sided for me.

It was only when I stripped away all the external forces that I was clinging to, that I finally sat with myself and realised that none of them was what I was truly seeking.

What I truly needed was to recognise myself again - to trust myself and my own inner knowing. But this time with wisdom, experience and a deeper understanding of who I was.

What I landed on, after months of crying on top of mountains and by the sea, was that I needed to love myself as I was. Through all of my short comings. Through all of my mistakes. Because of, not in spite of, all of my flaws. And with the uncertainty of not always knowing but figuring it out anyway. It was something I knew I needed to be OK with.

In doing so, I learnt to accept myself fully - as a flawed & wonderful human being, just like everyone else.

The Illusion of Seeking

When we get caught up in seeking validation, clarity & fulfilment from external sources, there's always something missing - always something more to chase. We convince ourselves if we just find the ideal morning routine, the right job, the right partner, the right community then we'll feel whole.

It's easy to believe that our happiness & our worth is something that we must constantly chase, always just slightly out of reach.

Yet the more we seek outside of ourselves, the further we stray from our own inner wisdom.

The truth is, no external accomplishment or relationship can ever fill a space that is meant to be nurtured from within.

When we pause, turn inward and reconnect with ourselves, we realise that we were never really lacking in the first place. The answers aren’t in the next milestone, the next relationship, or the next version of ourselves - they often lie in the stillness, in the deep knowing of our own heart.

Returning To Yourself

Choosing to stop seeking and start being is not a switch you flip overnight.

Think of it like a house - you might be able to flip a switch in one room and instantly flood it with light. But then you step into another room, and you realise it needs a little more work. Maybe it's cluttered with old beliefs that no longer serve you. Maybe the foundation needs reinforcing. Maybe some rooms needs a complete reset, a total renovation.

The journey back to yourself is a slow unravelling. A process of unlearning and relearning, softening into who you truly are without the weight of external expectations.

For me, it looked like sitting in discomfort instead of numbing it. Letting go of narratives that no longer served me, and embracing the uncertainty of not always knowing the next step but trusting that I’d find my way by just taking the first step.

It meant learning to trust myself again - to trust that I was capable, that I was enough and that I didn’t need someone or something else to complete me.

And in that trust, I found the freedom and the love that I'd been searching for.

When you stop seeking outside of yourself for worth, for love, for fulfilment, you realised that everything you were looking for was within you all along.

It starts with you. It always starts with you.